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“You think that paltry defense will save you?” I asked, advancing on him. I passed Zanyia rolling on the ground with the other catgirl. “You think I can’t batter down that little shield. I am faerie, mortal. You play with my powers.”More and more evocation spirits surged down at me, powering my attack. They hammered into the inky shield. Abjuration spirits bust out of the darkness, sent spinning away by the blows of my attacks. Its shield shrank a little more. Sven recovered, charging in to attack.I grinned my triumph. Sven’s sword would take the mortal in the body and—A spitting yowl screeched to my right. Movement flashed. The black-haired lamia crashed into me. I gasped, her claws digging into my flesh. Pain burned up my collar bone to my throat. I spun around, her impact sending me off-balanced.“No!” she hissed as we crashed onto my back.Air wheezed out of my mouth. Her weight crushed my chest. My head cracked into the hard-packed ground and ... My brain rattled. Fog spilled over. Yeah, I understand.”Her: “And distance, as well.”Me: “Fine. But can I ask you one last question?”Her: “Go ahead.”Me: “What are you calculating the velocity of, anyway?”A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.His friends see him and ask “Hey man, what are you supposed to be?”He replies “Oh, I’m dressed as a turtle”His friend responds “A turtle? How are you supposed to be a turtle? And who is that woman on your back?”The man replies “Oh, that’s Michelle” –Thank Phoenix for the following.‎ Three men were travelling in Europe and happened to meet at a bar in London, England. One man was from the US, one from France and one from Canada. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives.The American began by saying: “I told my wife in no uncertain terms that from now on she would have to do all the cooking. Well the first day after I told her, I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But on the third day when I.
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